The Power of Identity! (This could be the most important message you read this year...)

By: Adam Khoo

After working with over 550,000 people in seven countries through
my seminars and coaching sessions, I have found that when a person
makes a change and it lasts, it is because they did not just make a
change at the behavioral, emotional or cognitive level, but they
make a shift at the level of self-identity.

What is the meaning of identity? Identity is the belief you have
about who you are as a person. It is how you see yourself. I
remember watching an animated movie called 'Ice Age 2' that really
illustrates the power of identity. In the movie, there is a mammoth
(prehistoric elephant) named Ally who lost her herd when she was
just a baby. As a result, she was adopted by a family of possums
who brought her up as one of their own. Growing up in a family of
possums, she began to believe that she was a possum herself.

The result? She behaved like a possum. She played dead whenever
predators like birds flew overhead. She hung upside down to sleep
and ran away when other animals came. She never realized that she
was a mammoth, the largest and strongest animal around. One day,
she met a male mammoth by the name of Manny. Manny tried his best
to convince her that she was really a mammoth and she shouldn't be
running away and hiding from everything she saw.

He brought her to a pond and asked her to look at her own
reflection to see who she really was. When she looked into the
water, she exclaimed, 'I am a big fat possum!' She was still not
convinced she was a mammoth even though the evidence was right in
front of her. What is the lesson in this story?

Many of us are like that mammoth. We have tremendous potential and
are capable of amazing things in life. However, as we go through
life, we are sometimes convinced by the people around us that we
are 'lazy', 'unlucky', 'incapable', 'weak' etc... The moment we start
to see ourselves as an average person', we start behaving like one.
We start lowering our standards and adopting limiting beliefs and
attitudes. Even when we are shown our true potential, we hold onto
our limiting beliefs and refuse to see the truth.

The Way You See Yourself Affects Your Destiny

The way you see yourself (your identity) affects what you think you
can or cannot do. This in turn affects want you want in life (your
goals and standards). What you want will affect what you do (your
actions). Finally, your actions will determine your results and
ultimately your destiny.

Understanding the power of identity has really impacted my life
personally. When I was in primary school, I used to have a very
negative self-identity. I used to see myself as loser. I saw myself
as a slow, lazy and lousy student. Reflecting back, I have come to
realize that my identity was shaped by my past experiences and the
negative comments that people kept saying to me.

I used to spend all my time procrastinating, watching TV and
playing computer games, instead of doing my homework and studying.
I found it difficult to understand and remember what was taught in
class, so I didn't bother to pay attention. As a result, I kept
failing my exams and was always among the last in class. My friends
would call me stupid and my parents, tutors and teachers kept
saying that I was lazy. All these experiences soon shaped the way I
saw myself-as a loser.

As long as I saw myself as an underachiever, I never thought that I
could ever amount to anything. As a result, I low standards and no
future goals. All I wanted to do was pass my exams. Not failing was
a great achievement for me. This in turn gave me no inspiration to
take action. I would always put in the minimum effort. The result,
I kept getting lousy grades. God knows where I would be today if I
still held onto that identity.

So what made that 180-degree change in my life? I went through a
powerful experience that totally changed my identity. At the age of
13, I attended a personal development program for youths. During
the program, we were put through a series of challenging
activities to prove to ourselves that we were capable of achieving
more than what we thought. I was taught that my past behavior and
results did not determine who I was. I alone had the power to
choose the person I wanted to be. We were all taught to realize
that we had tremendous potential and could achieve anything we put
our mind to.

After five days of intensive positive conditioning, I began to see
myself as a 'winner'. I learned to visualize myself as an 'A'
student, a winner, a leader and a future millionaire. That simple
shift in my mind, made a tremendous shift in my thoughts,
behaviors and my life. With this new identity, I began to think
that everything was possible in life. I began to set much higher
standards for my life. I wanted so much more. I set goals of
topping my school, going to university and becoming a successful
entrepreneur. I began to behave differently. I started to study
hard, ask questions and step up whenever there was an opportunity.

No doubt, my grades began to improve and the rest is history.
Through my own life experience, I have come to realize that it is
only when we change the way we see ourselves, will our entire life
change. Today I get a huge level of satisfaction helping both
adults as well as youths create shifts in their identity through my
life transformational programs.

Who Are You?

I want you to take a few minutes and to reflect on this question,
'Who are you?' 'How do you currently see yourself?' Do you see
yourself as a winner or an average person? A motivated person or a
lazy person? An adventurer? A coward? A leader or a follower? Are
you a failure or a success? Are you an intelligent person? Are you
attractive or unattractive? Be totally honest with yourself and do
this exercise now.

Take a look at the identity you have described. Are there certain
aspects to your identity that empower you? Of example, if you see
yourself as a very determined person, it is unlikely that you will
allow yourself to give up easily. At the same time, are there
certain aspects of your identity that limit you? For example, if
you see yourself as a lazy person, then you will subconsciously
behave in a way that is consistent with that identity.

You Are More Than Who You Think You Are

If you have negative or limiting aspects of your identity, the good
news is that it is not cast in stone. You can change it! You must
remember that the identity that you now have is the result of
generalizations you have made of your past experiences and
behaviors. It does not define you unless you allow it to.

For example, if you see yourself as a lazy person, how did you
create this self-identity? It could be that there were times in the
past when you set certain goals and did not follow through. You did
not take action at times when you needed to. After witnessing this
behavior in yourself a few times, you came to the conclusion that
you are a lazy person. The people around you may have also labeled
you as being 'lazy' after observing your behavior. Once you gave
yourself that lazy label, it became comfortable and acceptable to
keep doing it.

Understand that you are not your past behaviors. Your past
behaviors are the result of past choices you have made and
emotional states you were in. You have the power at any time to
make new choices, put yourself into an empowering state and take
action. However, the moment you believe that you are a lazy person,
you will not change your choices and your behaviors.

If We Want to Make a Sustainable Change, it Starts
With Changing Your Identity

Remember that if you want to change any kind of behavior or
result, you have to first change the way you see yourself. If you
want to achieve a greater level of success in your life, you have
to first see yourself as a successful person. You will then think
and act like a successful person. You will carry yourself
differently, speak differently and dress differently. You will
spend your time more effectively and demand a lot more from
yourself.

Steps to Change Your Identity:

So, who must you BE to achieve the dreams and the life that that
you want? For example, if you want to increase your fitness and
health, adopt the identity a healthy and fit person.

If you want to be successful, you have to first adopt the identity
of a successful person! You must be someone who is motivated,
resilient, decisive and passionate. You must see yourself as a
leader and a role model.

Step 1: Write Down Your New Identity

The process begins with you consciously writing down the identity
you want for yourself. So take as much time as you need and write
down all the parts of your new identity. Do it now!

When I did this exercise many years ago, I wrote down: I am a
future millionaire, I am a winner, I am an 'A' student, I am
fearless, I am an entrepreneur, I am a never say die person etc...

Step 2: Visualize Yourself As That New Person

Everything is first created in the mind before it is manifested in
physical reality. For example, if you want to be financially
successful, see yourself as a millionaire in your mind. Imagine
yourself living the lifestyle you want; living in the home you
want, driving the car you want and making million dollar
investment decisions. Your mind gives you the power to create
anything you want. By visualizing something over and over again
with intensity, it programs our subconscious mind to move in that
direction, causing us to think and behave in that way.

Step 3: Consciously Act According to Your New Identity

The next thing to do is to follow through with your actions.
Consciously decide to act according to your new identity until it
reinforces into a habit. For example, if you now want to become a
sociable person, start taking the initiative to say hello to people
and strike up conversations. Make the effort to remember their
names, keep their name cards and to follow up with a call or an
email. If it is something you may have never done before (because
you were an introvert or shy person) then it may seem uncomfortable
at the beginning.

This is where you have to break through your comfort zone and keep
doing it over again until it becomes your new comfort zone. The
moment it becomes comfortable, your new identity will stay.

Step 4: Make Physical Changes

Finally, you can also make physical changes to reinforce your
identity. You could change your hairstyle, your makeup, your
clothes and your accessories that are in line with the new you.

The moment I became a speaker, I started to dress differently. I
wore suits most of the time and carried a business travel case. I
wore my hair in a more mature and professional way. Somehow, our
physical appearance affects how we see ourselves and how others see
us. You can't be an achiever and dress in a sloppy manner. It just
doesn't work! So start to look and dress the part and you will
become that person you want.

This article is an extract from my upcoming book 'Winning the
Game of Life!' Do look out for it soon!

Are you ready to create a new identity for yourself, breakthrough
your limiting habits and propel yourself to achieve YOUR goals?

To your success,
Adam